1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,923
- [horn honks]
- Oh, man.
2
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,384
Mom, I can just buy lunch.
3
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,302
Not five days in a row.
4
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,972
A packed lunch means a mom cares.
5
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:16,599
Where are the Lunchables?
6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,770
Who ate all the Lunchables? Van!
7
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,690
- [horn honks]
- Mom, the bus is here.
8
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,609
Okay. Here's five bucks.
Oh, wait a minute.
9
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:32,073
There you go. Love you, sweetie.
Love ya, love ya. [loud kisses]
10
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,451
Hi, Jake. Bye, Jake. Hey, Reba.
11
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,660
Bye, Brock.
12
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,205
Here, grab some peanut butter
and start paintin' bread.
13
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,834
- But... But, Jake just left.
- It's not for today. It's for tomorrow.
14
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:46,045
I don't have time tonight 'cause
I gotta go to that dumb meeting
15
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:48,214
about Jake's school auction.
16
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,883
I wanted to talk to you about that.
17
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,218
I don't need talk. I need a co-chairman.
18
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,805
I told the committee that I can't
do it again this year by myself.
19
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,557
Look at this stuff.
20
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,061
I have to plan refreshments,
line up all the donations,
21
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,647
{\an8}and, uh-oh, send out
last year's thank-you cards.
22
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:07,859
Sounds like you need help.
23
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,778
Of course I need help.
24
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,030
But they can't find anybody.
25
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:15,116
You'd think some people would just
want to jump in and do some good.
26
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:17,243
Guess what? Somebody did.
27
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,497
Oh, no, Brock. [forced chuckle]
28
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:21,748
Not me and you.
29
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,543
No. It'd just be fighting and fighting
and fighting and--
30
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:28,046
You're the last person
in the world I'd wanna do this with.
31
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,299
Hello there, partner. [laughs]
32
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,429
Okay, Brock. You and me, together again.
33
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,017
[theme song playing]
34
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,352
[Reba] Ha, hey!
35
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,146
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
36
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,690
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
37
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,861
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
38
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,031
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
39
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,450
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
40
00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:02,872
{\an8}♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪
41
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,502
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
42
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,094
[giggles] Isn't this exciting?
43
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,012
We're on the same team.
44
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,514
{\an8}And we're gonna be a great one.
45
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:22,851
{\an8}Like Barnum and Bailey. Sears and Roebuck.
46
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:27,147
{\an8}♪ Electra Woman and Dyna Girl ♪
47
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:31,818
Barbra Jean--
48
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,695
♪ And Reba ♪
49
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:36,865
Barbra Jean--
50
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,241
♪ And Reba ♪
51
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,035
- Brock.
- Barbra Jean--
52
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,454
♪ And Reba ♪
53
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:46,207
Hey, sweetie. Sweetie, maybe
you oughta go wait in the car.
54
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,584
{\an8}Right. You know what I'll do?
55
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,586
{\an8}I'll start working on the T-shirt design.
56
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,922
{\an8}Ooh, how about one that says, "Shh!"
57
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,049
{\an8}You know, 'cause it's a silent auction.
58
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,593
{\an8}[laughs] Yeah.
59
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,011
{\an8}[whispers] Get out.
60
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,637
{\an8}[whispers] Oh. Right.
61
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,764
{\an8}I can't do it.
62
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,143
{\an8}I don't care if they close the school down
and all the kids go dumb.
63
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,855
{\an8}Oh. That's great. Great. Fine.
64
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,483
{\an8}Fine. Put your personal feelings ahead
of the well-being of the children.
65
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:15,695
{\an8}- Your children.
- Don't use the kids, Brock.
66
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,324
You know, who cares
if this auction is a big flop?
67
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,285
I mean, does the school
really need playground equipment?
68
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,871
I guess the kids could just
climb on each other.
69
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,248
{\an8}Oh, come on.
70
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,876
{\an8}Why do you need a lunch lady
to keep fights from breaking out?
71
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,921
{\an8}I mean, poor, tiny, little Jake
can fend for himself.
72
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:37,008
{\an8}Oh, all right. I won't quit.
But why do I have to do it with her?
73
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:40,345
{\an8}Because she's the only one
who volunteered. Come on, Reba.
74
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,596
{\an8}You've got the experience.
75
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,307
{\an8}You've what, set the record
for three straight years?
76
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,725
- Four.
- Four. Four.
77
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,228
And Barbra Jean has got the time.
78
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,649
So, just... just point her in the right
direction and let her go to town.
79
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,818
Oh, I'll let her go to town all right.
A town far, far away.
80
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:01,074
All right, I'll do it.
I'll work with Barbra Jean.
81
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,243
♪ And Reba ♪
82
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,288
[mouthing words]
83
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,801
Hey, guys. What's that?
84
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,470
Dead leaves, old tennis balls
and a Frisbee.
85
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,389
We're making a basket for the auction.
86
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,267
You're donating a trip to the dump?
87
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,895
No, no. I'm donating my services
to clean out someone's gutters.
88
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,107
Cleaning gutters?
That's what you're donating?
89
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,568
Guys, I hate to say this,
but that sounds kinda dumb.
90
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,946
- Well, Barbra Jean suggested it.
- Oh!
91
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,324
[laughs] Then I don't mind saying it.
That's really dumb.
92
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,412
Well, Mom, what else is Van gonna do?
I mean, he doesn't have any other skills.
93
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,248
Don't say that, Cheyenne. He can--
94
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,382
Hey. You should donate football lessons.
95
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,508
Hey, you know that's...
96
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,218
- that's a pretty good idea.
- Yeah.
97
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,512
You know, Mom, you're
pretty good at this auction stuff.
98
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,807
I better be.
This year's gonna be a real challenge.
99
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,560
Barbra Jean don't have
the faintest idea what she's doing.
100
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:14,063
I've told her five times that
the way to get the best donation...
101
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,691
is to match the person
with the thing they're best at.
102
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,484
- Like you and football.
- Yeah.
103
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:22,155
Like, I could teach teenage girls
how to take care of their babies.
104
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:28,828
Yeah. Great. Hey, you know what?
Don't use your real name.
105
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:34,876
Hey there, kids.
Van, what happened to your finger?
106
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,754
Oh, my finger got caught
in Mike Garcia's face mask.
107
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,506
Oh, be still, my heart.
108
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,717
The gutter basket looks great.
109
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,926
They changed their mind.
110
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:47,180
Mrs. H said I should donate
football lessons instead.
111
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,725
Well, great. I mean, I don't even
know what football lessons are,
112
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,268
and everybody's got dirty gutters,
113
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,895
but, Reba, I guess you know best.
114
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,147
Keep that thought for the rest of the day.
115
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,567
Well, I guess we're not
gonna need this stuff anymore.
116
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,611
We should probably go put it
back in the gutters
117
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,529
Good thing I didn't put away the ladder.
118
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,410
Okay, Barbra Jean, I've kept
the files from the last four years.
119
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:14,290
Inside here is the secret formula
to a successful auction. Now--
120
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,045
Does anybody else have a question?
121
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:33,142
- Yes?
- Okay. Um,
122
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:34,727
I was just wondering,
123
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,232
um, if we only do what you did,
then we can only do as well as you did.
124
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,943
And we wanna do better than you did,
125
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:45,071
so we should be thinking outside the box.
126
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,031
[laughs]
127
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,951
But all the wisdom is inside the box.
128
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,077
Okay?
129
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:55,081
Now, look, I'm the chairman,
and I say we stick with what works.
130
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,583
Okay. But I thought we were co-chairmen?
131
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,127
[chuckles] No.
132
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,796
You're cochairman.
"Co" is Latin for "not."
133
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,145
I can't believe I almost missed
the whole auction.
134
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,938
Eugene wouldn't let me leave work.
135
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,481
- How's it going?
- Boring.
136
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,693
But it's about to get better. Barbra Jean
didn't take any of your suggestions.
137
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,487
What? We're outside the box?
138
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:29,365
And did you see the door prize?
It's a door.
139
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:35,329
Hey, Mrs. H.
Great idea on the football lessons.
140
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:36,581
The bidding's going nuts.
141
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,209
Yes, because it was my idea
from inside the box.
142
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,961
Yes, but it was Barbra Jean's idea
143
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,881
to put a shirtless photo
of me next to the bid sheet.
144
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:49,719
It's totally disgusting. It's like
a feeding frenzy for middle-aged women.
145
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,804
Oh, come on. You both should be very proud
146
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,890
that I'm gonna raise
a lot of money for the school.
147
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,392
Yeah. Dirty money, you flesh peddler.
148
00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,063
Oh, hey, Reba. It's going pretty well.
149
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,399
"Pretty well" is not up to my standards.
150
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,401
You don't set records with "pretty well."
151
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,862
- I'm just saying people are bidding.
- Yeah?
152
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,032
My tooth bleaching is already up to $380.
153
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:15,119
Course I throw in floss and a toothbrush.
Aw, they must know that.
154
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:17,788
Hey, hey.
155
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,665
- There's my co-chairman.
- [forced chuckle]
156
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:23,169
- So, what do you think of our auction?
- This isn't our auction.
157
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,004
This is your auction.
158
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,839
My auction is in a box saying,
159
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,925
"Help, let me out."
160
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:33,846
Ladies and gentlemen,
the bidding is now officially closed.
161
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:38,851
I wanna thank you all for coming tonight.
Now, before we read the tally,
162
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,187
I have a little announcement to make.
163
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:45,483
There is a rusted-out,
1969 Oldsmobile parked out front.
164
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,109
Would you please move your car?
165
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:50,363
You're not blocking anything,
you're just embarrassing the school.
166
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,573
[laughing loudly]
167
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,913
Thank you, honey.
Okay. Well, let's read the tally.
168
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,290
Oh, man. They're not gonna pin this on me.
169
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,251
It's not my fault.
It was Barbra Jean's fault.
170
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:08,172
Oh, wow. Well, we didn't match
what we did last year.
171
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,216
I knew it. I'm sneaking out the back.
172
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,302
Nope. We beat it by $1100!
173
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,973
[screaming] Oh my gosh. We did it!
174
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,517
We did it. I can't believe it.
175
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,434
Me neither.
176
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,145
- Oh my gosh. We're record-setters.
- Oh, yeah.
177
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:26,190
You and me together are better than you.
178
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,608
[screams]
179
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:45,459
Oh my gosh, this is just so exciting.
We broke the record.
180
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:49,380
Last time I broke a record I was
the biggest baby born in Juno County.
181
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,553
Hey, hey, hey.
Congratulations, you two. Look.
182
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,263
- Give me that tally.
- Hey.
183
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,639
Oh, I mean-- [chuckles]
184
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,766
Before I get all excited,
I just wanna make sure
185
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,060
that this could actually
be happening to me.
186
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,771
This makes five years in a row
that I've been married to
187
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,189
the woman who broke the record.
188
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,861
Glad we could help you with that.
189
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,741
Aha! Eight and seven is not--
Oh, yeah, it is 15.
190
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:22,705
Congratulations, you two geniuses.
Hey, Barbra Jean, did you hear?
191
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:26,417
Some lady paid $150
for my football lessons.
192
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,794
Yeah, way to go.
You run a real nice meat market here.
193
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,339
Cheyenne, let it go.
194
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:36,010
I just think it's weird that some woman
wants to learn football from Van, okay?
195
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,596
It isn't weird. You wanted to
learn football from me.
196
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,139
No, I didn't care about football.
197
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,642
I just wanted to touch your butt
when you hiked me the ball.
198
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,771
Cheyenne, I'm a guy.
You could've just asked to touch my butt.
199
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:50,441
In fact, you didn't even have to ask.
Come on. Free. Free grabby.
200
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,652
- Oh.
- Touch it. Come on.
201
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,823
Whew. Settin' records is
pretty thirsty work, huh, co-chair?
202
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,741
[chuckles]
203
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,619
I could really go for
a celebratory wine cooler.
204
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,080
Shh. Don't tell anybody.
205
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,667
[chuckles] Trust me.
People just assume you drink.
206
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,465
Oh, boy.
207
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,762
It must really bug you that you have to
share the credit with Barbra Jean.
208
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,473
Brock, the auction was a success.
That's all that matters.
209
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,018
Good. Good. I'm glad to hear it
because, you know,
210
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:29,480
I was worried that you'd be so jealous
that you wouldn't host that party
211
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,399
that you always throw
for all the volunteers.
212
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,858
- What?
- You know, the one where you
213
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,945
and your new co-chair bask
in the glory of your success?
214
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:40,116
Oh, yeah. Sorry to disappoint you, Brock,
but I'm fine to do the party.
215
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,159
I'm happy to do the party.
216
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,954
I can't think of anything
in this world I'd rather do.
217
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,039
- Well, good.
- [chuckles]
218
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,459
Pencil in the eye.
That's what I'd rather do.
219
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:02,471
Oh. Are we getting ready
for our big football date with Terry?
220
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:05,307
Oh, Cheyenne, it's not a date.
221
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,601
Do you mind
if I introduce you as my sister?
222
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,019
Okay. Cut it out.
223
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,650
You are totally flaunting your hotness,
just like you did in high school
224
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,194
when you'd take your jersey off
in front of the cheerleaders.
225
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:20,656
Okay, I had to. They were doing
the "Van, take off your shirt" cheer.
226
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:26,036
Yeah. The one you taught them.
227
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,830
Cheyenne, why can't you trust me?
228
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,207
You can't even stand
for another girl to talk to me.
229
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:33,377
Because you can't seem to talk
without flexing your muscles.
230
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:37,006
All right, I always look like I'm flexing.
That's just the way I'm built.
231
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,341
- Oh, please.
- [doorbell rings]
232
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:42,052
Okay, there she is.
Please, don't hang around
233
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,471
and make her feel uncomfortable
234
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,014
by standing around going...
235
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,682
[coughs] "Tramp." [coughs] "Tramp."
236
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,986
Uh, can I help you?
237
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,071
I'm here for my football lesson.
238
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:11,332
Wait a minute. You're Terry?
239
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,917
I certainly am.
240
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:17,922
And I know who you are.
What's with the shirt?
241
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,965
- [laughs]
- [giggles]
242
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,970
Hi, I'm Cheyenne... Van's sister.
243
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:28,390
- All right. Okay.
- Okay.
244
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,435
All right, boys.
I'll be in the kitchen on the phone.
245
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:34,939
I suddenly have something
I have to tell everyone I know.
246
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,401
- It was nice meeting you.
- You too, Terry.
247
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,323
Well, why don't you come in?
248
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,287
So, Terry... [nervous chuckle]
249
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,165
Why's a guy like you
interested in football?
250
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:57,628
Well, my partner and his son
watch football every weekend.
251
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,630
I don't know anything about the game.
252
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,257
I'd like to have something to say
253
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,301
other than how fabulous
the avocado dip is.
254
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:21,569
Would you excuse me for just one second?
255
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:24,280
[chuckling] Avocado dip.
256
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,617
Cheyenne, Cheyenne.
I think Terry might be gay.
257
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:32,121
[laughs] You only think?
258
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:35,791
[exhales] Okay, we need to do something.
259
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,336
I could go put something sexy on
and try and turn him,
260
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:42,214
- but I really don't think that works.
- All right, this isn't funny.
261
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,218
- I think he's attracted to me.
- Of course he is.
262
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:50,389
Everyone is, honey. It's not your fault.
You flex. It's the way you're built.
263
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:58,397
- Besides, I don't wanna be jealous.
- No, no. I love it when you're jealous.
264
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,190
- [scoffs]
- Especially when you drive
265
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,693
other people away from me.
He's after your man.
266
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,361
- Oh!
- Are you gonna stand for that?
267
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:07,114
It is the price I pay
for being married to a hottie.
268
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,407
God!
269
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:12,369
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my conference call is waiting.
270
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,540
[whistle]
271
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:25,257
I hope you don't mind.
I started watching the tape.
272
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,092
No, no. Th-That's great.
273
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,220
See, why don't you
take these home and watch 'em,
274
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,973
and we'll do
a follow-up on the phone later.
275
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:36,435
Oh, but, uh, we're gonna do
the hands-on stuff, right?
276
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,228
- What?
- Well, you know, the huddle up,
277
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,105
and then we tackle each other?
278
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,399
Tag, you're it. Hup, hup, hup.
279
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,400
Oh, yeah.
280
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,238
All right. Wait. Oh, fumble.
281
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:51,325
- Fumble!
- [both laugh]
282
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,535
Oh, this is fun.
283
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,457
- I love football.
- Uh... Uh...
284
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:04,171
Terry, we need to talk.
Um, I think you're a great guy,
285
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:08,634
and, uh... But, uh, this-this
just isn't gonna work out.
286
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,011
- Why not?
- I don't find you attractive.
287
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,390
I didn't realize
that was part of the game.
288
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,599
Well, yeah.
289
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:20,229
I don't find you attractive either.
Why are we talking about this?
290
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:23,899
I'm not making a judgment
about being gay or not being gay--
291
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,277
Whoa! Gay? You think I'm gay? I'm not gay.
292
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:29,405
Yeah, right. I mean--
293
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,157
I mean, you talked about your "partner."
294
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,576
My business partner.
295
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,079
We own a jewelry store together.
296
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:41,792
He, I, my wife, Judy.
A former Miss Houston.
297
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,754
- So, not gay?
- Not gay.
298
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,633
Oh, well, then let's get this
football lesson started.
299
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,094
I don't think so. Um,
300
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:56,598
I didn't realize you were
using these football lessons
301
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,475
to meet men you're attracted to.
302
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,185
Whoa! Whoa!
303
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,693
Wait, wait. You think I'm gay?
304
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,154
I-I'm not gay. I'm married.
305
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,739
To your sister.
306
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,367
No. Wait a minute. Really, I'm not gay.
307
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,494
Well, I don't know why
I would've thought so.
308
00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,913
[grunts]
309
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,832
That's just the way I'm built.
310
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,709
See ya later, Mary.
311
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,470
It is not, Kyra.
312
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,890
Van, I'm just saying, a lot of gay guys
wear their hair like that.
313
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,354
Hey, Reba.
314
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,733
Everybody's just dying to know
the secret to our success.
315
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,027
You and I, we should write a book.
316
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,821
We could call it Outside the Box.
317
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,323
[chuckles]
318
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,368
Let's just finish this
so I can get you outside the house.
319
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,748
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention, please.
320
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,709
Let's bring up the two women
who are responsible for
321
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,669
our record-breaking auction,
322
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,838
Reba Hart and Barbra Jean Hart.
323
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:10,964
No relation.
324
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,970
Oh, gosh. Thank you so much.
325
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:21,266
You know, when they first
approached me about doing this,
326
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,310
I don't mind telling y'all, I was scared.
327
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,229
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
328
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,649
But then, I remembered something
329
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,193
that made me as calm
as a bunny in the sun.
330
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,782
I wasn't doing this alone.
331
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:41,120
I was doing this with
one of the finest people
332
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,333
it has ever been my honor
to call my friend, Reba Hart.
333
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:47,751
[nervous chuckle]
334
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:54,341
So let's give a big hand to the person
really responsible for this: Reba Hart.
335
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,221
- Reba! Reba!
- [chanting] Reba! Reba!
336
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:02,641
- [chanting continues]
- Okay. Enough.
337
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,479
- Thank you, Barbra Jean.
- Oh, Reba.
338
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,441
Well, I have done the auction
for the last four years,
339
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,235
and it's been a huge success.
340
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,697
So, this year,
I brought all my experience,
341
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:20,117
and I told Barbra Jean
exactly what to do with it.
342
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,787
And she didn't do any of it.
343
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,792
Barbra Jean deserves all the credit.
344
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:32,421
She did it. She's the reason
we set a new record. Barbra Jean.
345
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,303
[mouthing words]
346
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:42,472
- [chanting] Barbra Jean! Barbra Jean!
- Oh!
347
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,975
Barbra Jean! Barbra Jean! Barbra Jean!
348
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,144
♪ And Reba ♪
349
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,107
[chanting continues]
350
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,780
[exhales]
351
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:02,492
Hey, Reba. Listen, that was really nice
352
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,494
of you to get up there
and say what you did.
353
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,415
Well, I wasn't trying to be nice.
I just said what happened.
354
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,834
Unfortunately, it just came out nice.
355
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:15,589
Come on, Reba.
The auction was a huge success.
356
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,674
Why does it matter whose ideas they were?
357
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,843
I'll tell you why. Because--
358
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,178
[scoffs] during this process,
359
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,722
I learned something
about your wife, Brock.
360
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,141
Contrary to the rumors
I spread, she's not a ditz.
361
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,103
- Well, that's good.
- No, it's not.
362
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,814
Do you have any idea
how hard this is on me?
363
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:36,318
It's a heck of a lot easier to dislike
someone when you think she's an idiot.
364
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:39,613
Well, I'm sorry for your loss, Reba,
365
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,823
but I'm gonna look at that
as a good thing.
366
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,786
Yeah. I guess
I should look on the bright side.
367
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,164
I mean, it's not like she's never
gonna do anything stupid again.
368
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,710
Reba, I just had
a great idea for next year.
369
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,799
Two words: donkey basketball.
370
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,342
[popping] Ha!
371
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,895
Didn't have to wait long, did I?
372
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,986
[closing theme music playing]